What are you afraid of?

I ask myself this question quite a lot. What am I afraid of? Why am I afraid? Lastly, How can I get over my fear?

What am I afraid of?

Since I became an adult, I do not really fear much. I am not saying I am fearless; I just don’t fear much. I have encountered many things in my 46 years, and I know there are no monsters in the dark.

However, I do fear some things. 

I have stated in previous posts that I want to be a freelance writer. This would require me to put myself out there, and to be completely honest - putting myself out there is very terrifying. I feel completely naked, and that is the most uncomfortable feeling ever.

Just the other night, I received a request for bidding for a job. I was very interested in the job, so I clicked on the link, and it took me to a bidding area. All of a sudden thoughts filled my head - “Who do you think you are, you’re not good enough.” 

I hesitated, and missed the opportunity. I would say another will come along, but that is not the first time I froze.

Why am I afraid?

There are many reasons to be afraid, and logically they are to keep yourself safe. I have been told this is programed into our genes; when we were living in caves, we would try to keep from getting killed from all sorts of dangers. That is our “Fight or Flight” responses.

What I am afraid of, I believe, is failure. I don’t wish to fail at writing.  So this feeling of insecurity is me not wishing to fail - however, by not doing anything at all: I fail.

I see this a lot in other things as well. Some people don’t like to self promote. As a writer, self promotion is a very difficult skill to master. We don’t like to put ourselves out there, because there is the chance of not being accepted.

Once we can get over the feeling of people rejecting us, we can move forward and concur.

How can I get over my fear?

I already touched on this, but lets look at this a little closer. 

When we don’t promote ourselves, we demote ourselves. We become our worst enemy. If we aren’t for us, nobody else can be for us. We need to be our best friend, and we need to promote ourselves.

How do we get to that point where we can get over our fear. I know in previous posts I was talking about my dad teaching me to dive off a diving board. The first time my older brother was to jump off the diving board, he stopped, shaking in fear, closed his eyes, folded his hands and started to pray. Then he would jump in. 

He stopped and prayed every time. But he always jumped. 

Sometimes I need to live by his example. I need to stop, embrace my fear, close my eyes, fold my hands, pray and then jump in.

Ghosts

I was sitting across the table from my grandfather at my Cousin Michael’s graduation. I was a year behind Michael, and my grandparents flew out for Michael’s big day. As we sat at this dinner, my grandfather looked at my father and said, “Thom is never going to grow up and do anything, he is going to be your greatest disappointment.” 

My father did not argue and I left the table.

My grandfather did not show up for my graduation, but in my mind his presence was not needed: I was the great failure in his eyes. A few years later my grandfather passed away.

I have been haunted by that ghost for almost 30 years. 

I was thinking about this on my bike ride to my “Brick and Mortar:” Evaluating my life as I usually do. I realized my grandfather made a prediction - even though he thought it an off handed comment. I made it his prophecy come true, but only for what he would deem a success. 

My grandfather built K-Marts across the country. He moved to city, built a K-Mart, and then moved to another city. He was a successful contractor - he had money, drove nice cars and was a feared and mostly respected boss. However, the love from people around him - including from his family - could not fill a thimble. He was a hard man, a disciplined man and focused like none I had ever seen before, but when it came to love: he was bankrupt.

I got married young, my wife and I have been married 28 years, and we have five wonderful children and two grandsons and a granddaughter on the way. I am greeted with a hug from each of my three oldest children (hugged sometimes from my two teenagers at home) and my grandkids smile when they say, “Hi Papa.” I might not have a lot of money, I might not have property and my resume might look like a who’s who of desperate employers; I have love.

I am a rich man, because of my blessings. I might not be the captain of industry or travel from town to town building shopping malls, but when people see me, they smile and say hello. 

What is important to you? What do you deem a success? Are you basing your life on what others have said, done or what they deem important?

When you can shed those shackles, you can really be free. If money is your greatest reward, and you have money - I am happy for you, because you have made it. If you define your success with something less tangible, than you are the only one that can evaluate your own worth. 

For those that say, ”hugs will not put bread on the table,” and “working as a writer when it is clinch time is tough,” and “when you have a deadline it is very hard, and a smile will not satiate your boss:” You are very right. I didn't say I didn’t work. Working is necessary; my life has work in it - just like everyone else. I know what drives me, But what drives you?