When
I became a manager for a nationwide photography company, I was placed in the
middle of a season with veteran photographers, and a whole passel of attitude.
My stress response is to get blusterous, and in true fashion, I said, “If you
don’t want to do your job, there’s the door.”
The
room fell silent, and I stood in front of the whole staff, and I knew at that
moment two things were a possibility: Either I would be trampled by a stampede
of escaping photographers, or they would realize I was just saber rattling and
never take me serious. I kind of wished they trampled me.
Once
you make that statement the recipient has two responses, either cut tail and
run or dig in their heels. Neither offers a satisfactory resolution.
When
you say, “My way or the Highway,” you are making yourself preeminent, and even
though preeminence has its place, it does not have its place in love. We have a
lot of people in this world trying to dominate, trying to be better than the
Jones’ and trying to make their way the only way.
The
only issue with this attitude is that we miss out on collaboration. When we
think that there is no other person that can have a better idea of what needs
to be done, we squash other’s ideas. What’s more, people stop listening.
When
I was first married to my wife, I was not very kind. We dated, and I had the
typical dating face. I was kind, soft spoken, gentle, compassionate and
nurturing. After we said “I do,” I turned into Mr. Hyde.
Kelly
do this, Kelly do that, you need to obey me. I chuckle now, because I realize
what a “Jack Wagon” I was back then, and how patient Kelly was with me.
She
reminded me that Eve was not taken from Adam’s foot, so she would not be
stepped on, and he was not taken from his head, so she would be over him; she
was taken from his side - to be beside him.
When
you yield and give “right of way,” you are telling the other person. “I respect
you, I want to listen to you and I hope you will listen to me.” You level the
playing field, so that both of you can be equals. Because love does not insist
on its own way; this is one way to show your love.
Let
me break off into a tangent right now, I know I am throwing the “L” word around
a lot. This can be very uncomfortable for people, because they feel that word
is special. That word is special, and I am not trying to misuse it: However, if
we are not showing love, and in black and white world, we show the opposite,
which is hatred.
So
don’t insist on your own way, it might give you the feeling of power, and you
might feel like you are in control, but you might find yourself walking alone
on that very same highway.
Caveman beating his chest, springs to mind as well. Sinfully, we've all done it.
ReplyDeleteThat is definitely the mentality - dragging people by the hair. Thanks for the comment
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